Ok...so I realize that I have this need to "control" (though I don't like to admit it) and that it can sometimes cause me to worry. I am being really transparent here...and admitting that I'm being bombarded with issues over which to worry and (here's the transparent part) I'm succumbing to them & worrying!!!
See, I HATE worry. I battle it -- have for a long time. I have people close to me in my life who worry a LOT!! They worry sometimes that they don't have anything to worry about!! It bugs me to no end!! I battle it!! I'm frustrated/embarrassed/ashamed to say that I'm losing the fight this time. It's not that worry is consuming me. I'm totally functioning. I'm able to eat. I'm still smiling and laughing and enjoying life...it's just that there's a nagging worry-bug in the back of my mind that I'm having trouble stomping out. When I had anxiety (before Adley's open heart surgery at 4 months old when I got exhausted, dehydrated & anxiety took over) I stopped eating, laughing, sleeping, functioning -- though it was just for a couple of weeks till things got "ironed" out (and my temporary meds kicked in)!! This is NOT that...this is just the controlling part of me thinking about ALL the things & possibilities that are coming up for us very soon that will be so COMPLETELY out of my control!!!
So, I picked up my Jesus Calling book...(tired of hearing about this little book yet??) and read yesterday's entry. Ready?: "I'm all around you, like a cocoon of Light. My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me. Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is WORRY (emphasis mine!!). My children tend to accept worry as an inescapable fact of life. However, worry is a form of unbelief; it is anathema to Me. Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive. When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me. I will either take care of the problem Myself of show you how to handle it. In this world you will have problems, but you need not lose sight of Me."
Well, after I looked up anathema (which, incidentally means a thing detested or loathed = God HATES worry!!) and stopped shaking my head in disbelief that it had happened ONCE AGAIN that the Lord spoke to me directly through this little book (that I believe is so inspired!!!) the Lord started bringing to my mind scriptures about how HE handles this stuff for me. John 16:33-“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (not just the United States, but EE too!)” John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (even when you're traveling over lots and lots of water)" and Matthew 6:25-34 - “Therefore I tell you, do not worry
about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what
you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than
clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If
that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and
tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you
of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? (or "How shall we leave our children for 2 weeks and get on a plane to a foreign country?") 'For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
So, there you have it. The Bible speaks clearly to worry and, I'm telling you -- it's NOT from God. So, again today, I relinquish control. This is a different kind of control. Before I had to relinquish control of the EE government and all their people to get this show on the road (since clearly, I had NOT ONE OUNCE of control over any of that!). Today I am relinquishing control of my family into the Lord' hands. The One who fearfully and wonderfully created each one of us and knows the number of hairs on our heads. The One who holds the whole world in His hands. The One who is SO MUCH better able to care for my children and me than I am. I'm merely His hands and feet to my children & husband -- I'm not the one who will shape and mold them into who they need to be. The Lord can do that WITH or WITHOUT me!!! I know that if He wants me raising my kids, that I will come home to them healthy and waiting for me. And I know that if He wants someone else to do that job, then He can take me "out" on my way to HEB just as easily as He could allow something to go wrong on my trip to EE!!!
A long time ago, when I used to sing in church a lot, one of my favorite songs to sing was called "My Life is in Your Hands" (by Kathy Troccoli - yes, I'm old!) I'm putting my money where my mouth is today and singing that song to the Lord. Heck, I just saw the option to make it my ringtone...I think I may.
Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me
My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need
My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without hope
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
When I'm at my weakest, Lord You carry me
Then I become my strongest, Lord in your hands
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in your hands
This is how I'm choosing to walk today and for the next MANY weeks as we walk through uncharted waters (for OUR lives -- I know MANY have walked before us through these waters!). Pray with me that I'll be able to REST nestled safely in the loving arms of my Savior and Lord and TRULY TRUST Him to lead, guide, protect and keep me and mine.
Kim,
ReplyDeleteI love that you are transparent in your thoughts and worries. You are so right that God hates worrying. It displays our lack of knowing that He is in control and works every situation out to the good of all involved...even when it may not seem that way to us. I know I also have my weak moments, and quite often. I was refreshed in your post today along side of you, and just wanted to say thank you for sharing all of this. The song is beautiful. God is all knowing, He has everything under control. We should take away this, do not spend your days dwelling on the unknown..but rather spend them rejoicing in what has been given to us. He has blessed us both so much already, I can only imagine what He has in store for the future. Hugs my friend....rest in Him ;)
I LOVE it! I have said time and again there is not a single event in my life (not sure even marriage) that has transformed my faith and introduced me to a new level of intimacy with God like adoption! And not having done it five times, I can say He does it with each one! He finds a trait (or two or three) to transform while He walks us through the adoption. Thanks for sharing! You have no idea who you are spurring on to a bigger faith by being transparent in your struggles and how you overcome them! Continuing to pray for the miraculous all along this journey!
ReplyDeleteThese verses have come up in my life about 3 or 4 times this last week. I have seen so much care and compassion for the orphan from so many, but also see a bit of worry mixed in. I feel God is showing me and apparently you and others that even our love and passion for the orphan is not a cause for worry. He is always in control and as we live out our love for the orphan we can at the same time live out our Faith in Our Lord and Savior.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your post. We just returned 5 weeks ago from Ukraine. Wow, God really worked in my heart, I just wish I could have nailed some of these lessons before we went.
God's bless you on your journey.
Thank you for your transparencyY Yes, there is nothing like ransoming your child from a foreign country to teach the art of "letting go and letting God". I remember being in country, alone with my child after bringing him out of the orphanage, only to get stuck waiting for his passport and VISA due to a "never heard of before" paperwork glitch. I finally cried out to God telling him that if his whole purpose of the delay was to teach me that I could do NOTHING in my own strength that I had finally learned the lesson... The anxiety I caused myself by trying to anticipate and fix things was such wasted effort! My prayer was grace for each moment, because looking at a whole day at times was just to much. Praying for peace for you-and grace for each moment as it comes. HUGS!
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